using-expectations-to-build-a-relationshipExpectations are a component of relationships. They are formed in ways that include:

  • A direct or indirect promise – e.g. we are a 4 star hotel
  • Cliches – e.g. used car salesmen will say anything to close a deal
  • Cultural and social teachings - e.g. the doctor/minister/professional have the interests of clients at heart
  • Past experiences – e.g. using the pain of past relationships to distance yourself from new ones

Much is written about managing expectations – professionals and corporates have mission statements, contracts, legal obligations and codes of conduct that help them to manage relationships with customers. Personal relationship experts talk about the importance of good communication.

Managing expectations is something we all have to do once in a while in situations ranging from leap-year wedding proposals to planning a budget for a business project. Expectations are not always communicated, but you can tell when you are at the receiving end of one that is not being met because you’ll be up against some resistance or conflict.

And this is when you get the power to decide if you want to turn the situation into one that is going to serve you well in the long run. It is an action activity – you DO it.

Of course, expectations are about relationships, so it’s not what you do, it’s the way that you do it that influences what you get.

Desiring a relationship

If your long-term goal is to build or maintain a relationship, you start off with this desire. This desire influences the way you go about handling the management or delivery of the expectation. 

It is possible to develop relationships even when the expectation is unreasonable. This is when desire becomes particularly important because it allows you to go the extra mile to define boundaries and convey more realistic expectations. Without this desire to maintain a relationship, you will simply go through the motions.

When expectations are reasonable, this desire helps you to meet them in way that generates loyalty and commitment.

Short break in Barcelona – Part case-study, part rant.

Take my recent trip to Barcelona as an example. We were on holiday and expected our pre-booked hotel to be clean and comfortable with staff who would point out local attractions if required (in that order). We got reassurance of this when we saw the 4 star rating displayed prominently on the entrance to the spacious, modern foyer showcasing an elegant zen garden.

Then we had our experience.

  • The receptionist doesn’t acknowledge us for 5 minutes.
  • When we are checked in, sadly it turns out that our room hasn’t been cleaned yet from the previous occupancy. We return to reception.
  • We get the key to “the last room available”. Sadly this room smells like an ashtray. We return to reception.
  • He shrugs and says it is a non-smoking room but what can he do if the previous occupant smoked in there. He tells us we can upgrade to a suite if we pay an extra 40 euros per night. We say “no thanks, we’ll take the room we pre-booked with you”.
  • Another receptionist appears after half an hour and miraculously finds us another “last room available”. This one turns out to be lovely and even has a sea view.
  • One day we return to our room at 8pm having been sight-seeing all day. They’ve forgotten to service the room. No problem, these things happen. We’ll tell reception and they’ll sort it out.
  • We’re told housekeeping closes at 5pm. They accuse us of having left the “Do not disturb” sign out all day and that it’s our fault. We hadn’t and it’s not. 
  • We are offered an upgrade to a clean suite for an extra 40 euros per night. We ask the receptionist to confirm that we are in 4 star hotel.
  • Forty minutes later, the receptionist tells us not to worry about anything and that we can go to dinner and the room will be fully serviced by the time we return.

The hotel had set expectations when it advertised its 4 star rating. In fairness, it eventually met our most basic expectations of a clean and comfortable room… but it was done reluctantly and with an air of doing us a favour. Relationship building was not a priority.

Execution impacted our experience.  

All along, the hotel had a suitable room that it could have provided without nudging us to upgrade at our own expense. It also had housekeeping services on site that it could have provided without blaming us (unfairly as it turned out) or putting us through frustration and disappointment.

Through the way the hotel handled our basic expectations, they didn’t appear concerned about building a relationship with us and turning us into loyal customers. It’s a shame because it was a nice hotel. The room was comfortable and the staff were very helpful when we asked about local attractions and transport. The restaurant was among the best I have been to – the chef obviously loves what he does and is passionate about giving his diners a good experience.

But who wants to gamble or struggle with getting a clean room in a well-rated hotel when there are plenty of others around who’ll meet these expectations with pleasure?

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image: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/valike
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